Textliste englisch | textlist english MB Is it on? ... Yes! Oh, you can put on the date. Here. It's cool. Date. Now it should be in there. {Titeleinblende} 6. 12. 91 And now... the time {Titeleinblende} 16:53:17... ... and phone. {title} Aide Mémoire JB What I want is... MB What does he want? JB To eat orchids, - to catch deer with my bare hands, - to drink blood and bite meat - in the happy hunting grounds. MB I'm looking for something less boring... a camera perspective. - Apropos perspective... - Did you have any utopian fantasies before that test?... JB Utopian fantasies? You mean what I wanted to be? MB Yea, more or less. JB What I wanted... I wanted to be a pop star... yes, a popstar! {title} Photographer Jürgen Baldiga woman {off} You fucking fag! I'm gonna kill your ass! MB We'll see. JB {shows a condom} After two years they don't smell. MB Nothing? Not even like Latex? JB No, it's bone dry. The way everything ends up. woman {off} I'm gonna cut you to pieces, prick sucker! {title} Filmmaker Michael Brynntrup woman {off} You ass fucker! woman Brynntrup, Brynntrup, - you fucking rat. Too bad, huh? you little pussy licker. - I don't have to open the door for them. You dirty rat, I'll get you, - I promise you that. Your fucking bitch will visit you in the cemetary, you dirty, old, scuzzy fag. {title} Gay Document for remembering. MB Oh, what I wanted to ask you: ... tell me about your first orgasm. JB The first orgasm... yea, I remember, that was in a tree. - I sat with a schoolmate... after school we often played ... - ... he was really hot... he had a huge cock and was older than I was. - We played doctor: - showing and touching each other, - then he showed me how to jerk off. MB Do you think that your sexuality has somehow won? JB Yes, it's won! MB Great. JB Right now for sure, - but maybe it's just that I sense that - my body is falling apart,... Every day when I get out of the shower... - and look at myself in the mirror,... - after all, I see myself. JB Now, because I see that everything is so transitory,... - I really get off on body contact. - To feel another body, to lust and be horny. - I notice everything because it's all fading away. I know I'm dying. Every second. woman You slimy pig, I'm gonna fuck you up and grind you down. MB When was that? JB {shows a condom} Two years ago. It's a small, private box. For example, we have a promotional lighter for a funeral home here. MB I can zoom in, for a change. Now it's shaky again. Move back so I can focus. Yes, clearly. That's a funeral home lighter! JB Here's a tooth, if you can make it out. MB I'll go nearer ... MB ... yea, it's a tooth. JB I found it in the woods. MB I thought that it was yours. Too bad. JB No, I've got mine here ... cavities. MB Now I'll zoom in on your mouth to check out your teeth. Pretty! JB Here. MB Yea, that's where it should be. JB Here I've got a hand. - It belongs to St. Fatima. - When you make a wish, then take off the hand and hide it. woman You loser, you. You piece of slimy shit. You crazy, asocial fag up there. woman You fuck, you piece of shit. woman You rat. You pig. You'll end up in the graveyard. woman Brynntrup, Brynntrup... woman {off} You pig, I'm gonna kill you. JB Should I tell you about my last orgasm? MB Yes. Please! JB Yesterday, kneeling in the swimhall, under the shower. MB Where? JB In Neukölln. MB Yesterday!? JB {off} ... when I see that the guy has a Toxoplasmose, a Cytomegalin Virus in his eyes, slowly blinding him... JB ... that's my future too - because I have the Toxo carrier and I'll get it for sure. - I have CMV-Viruses and I'll get them too. - It's not certain if it will start in my eyes or my stomach. MB So, what do you think about it...? JB then... - you don't have a future anymore, can you imagine, all that sickness. woman {off} You scumbag... woman I piss on you. I'm not afraid. You asshole. You slimebag. You'll land up in the graveyard. woman Cunt licker. {title} 08.06.1993 MB Ready? It's running! Ok. We're here at Jürgen Baldiga's house. MB ... at Jürgen Baldiga's house. JB I'm Jürgen Baldiga. JB Photographer. JB with Aids. JB ... I'm 33 ... JB ... really I'm a cook ... JB ... born in Essen ... JB ... for eight years I've been HIV-positive. For three sick. JB I'm not doing much right now. I have to take care of my body. JB ... live in Berlin since 1980 and want to stay. JB ... in Essen, when everybody found out that I was gay, they dumped trash in front of my door and wrote threatening letters. So I took off. JB {off} In Berlin gays can live without hassle, even with HIV-positive. JB ... a positive test result, and then they gave me two years to live. - Back then there wasn't much information about aids. - I realized that I had only lived during the night, so I decided to see what the daytime was like. - I didn't want the Nightlife anymore because I'd done it for years... I received a camera as a gift, - with it, I learned how to look at the day - I ran around and took pictures of people, first with a huge telephoto, but then I threw it away. Now I go up to the people and talk to them. I also use photography ... JB {off} ... to figure out what's going on when someone's HIV-positive. JB ...when I take pictures of friends who have aids it's important to show their dignity and liveliness and not make a sensation of it. JB {off} If your time is limited, then you really think about how you spend the time you have left. JB {off} ...With the pictures, it's always a search for honesty... you have to be realistic... JB {off} ... and show the facts. JB {prepares injection} In the final analysis, I see death as a redemption because - before you go, you suffer from agonizing pain. MB {off} Do you have problems taking pictures of someone like Icarus... MB {off} ... knowing that the pictures will survive him after he dies? JB {off} That's why I do it. I want to hold on to them. JB Now I've photographed him,... - death can't take him away from me. - Because I have him on film. I captured him the way I saw him. But that's bullshit... you lose them anyway. JB {off} ... Photography is somehow fixed. But maybe from this decay it can ... JB ... achieve something immortal. What will live on after I die. - That's what motivated me. I wanted to leave a trace behind, - instead of just disappearing... {title} † 04.12.1993 {title} ... it only blooms. {title} Aide Mémoire 1995 {translation: James Carman}