Textliste englisch | textlist english {title} (LOGO MBC-FILMPRODUKTION) {title} presents {title} page 1297 to 1560 {title} About which one cannot speak,... {title} ...one can make films. Diary, take one, first shot. This film could begin like this or like that: I sit down at my desk In front of me my four diaries: I'm taking NOW... {title} NOW ...NOW the most recent one , and put it down. Then I open it up, and write in it. This is ... my diary. This is my hand. And ... this is the clock, it is now ... This is the clock, it's now about 8:30, or thereabouts. And ... these are the little pictures. After 2 pictures comes the {textual motif} TITLE {title} TABU V Good. {title} POISONOUS {title} THOU SHALT NOT KILL Ouch! 2:40 The anaesthesiologist was just here and explained to me... {title} MY FIFTH DIARY ...take the pill with your last sip... It is now: {title} NOW: 1989 ...transfusion, shot in the bum, total anaesthesia in ER. I gotta breathe heavily, have to yawn. I'm afraid of the operation, of what I'm experiencing. I only hope I'll survive... {textual motif} LA MORT ...A God, belief in a God could help me now. Lord Almighty!... {textual motif} THE SKULL ...It's not as ironic as it sounds. {title} COLLECTION OF INSTRUCTIONAL MATERIALS {title} MUSEUM OF HEALTH CARE {title} KZ MEMORIAL SACHSENHAUSEN {title} SHOOTING OF »CAIN AND ABEL« {textual motif} HAND Tidied my love life a bit ... whatever that means. The alphabet: 24 letters per second. The End. Once again statistics in personal relationships: compiled in the hope of a cyclical return and the concrete expectation of a new guy. I'll also compile sex-statistics. {textual motif} TATTOO It is now: {title} ENGINEERING MEMORY BRIDGES An optical Disillusion Immanuel Kant, Critique of Pure Reason,... {textual motif} AT LEAST EAT UP YOUR MEAT ...On the impossibility of a cosmological proof of the existence of God: One cannot help but think, however unbearable the thought, that the being that we imagine to be the highest of all possible beings... On the one hand I'm at odds with God,... I'm trying to wean an interpretation out of the Cain and Abel story. Originally I went on the assumption of doubt: Is God truly good? It's this question I'm thinking about. ...I know that our knowledge is limited... G o d   i s   a   p l a c e b o,   o n l y   f a i t h   h e l p s. {title} »CAIN AND ABEL« {title} THE SACRIFICE {title} THE OLD TESTAMENT (A MORAL) Again at my desk and not, as usual, in bed. Spent the whole evening and night toying with my sex-statistics: first surfed thru all computer-gays under memory-sex. Then paged thru old address books and fished the rest out of the diaries. One realization is pretty frightening: that often I don't have the faintest memories of our sex. {textual motif} NO JUNK MAIL {textual motif} STOP JUNK MAIL February 10th, 1981 {breathe in - breathe out - stop -...} The anaesthesiologist was just here and explained to me... {title} ANTIBODIES SERUM ...Eat as usual, drink up until 9:00, take the pill with your last sip. Early in the morning, - oh shit, I just moaned -, transfusion, shot in the bum, total anaesthesia in ER. ... I'm allowed to brush my teeth. Tubes thru the nose, whereby a piece of a tooth or whole tooth can be broken off, because he had to push aside the larynx with an instrument, hoarseness and sore throats will probably be the result; later, after the operation... This is my blood from the spinal injection against pain. ...he awakens me to ask if I need to vomit. ...Again I notice clearly... ...Motto... ...Words burn into the brain... ...for words are only that which is thought aloud... ...consciousness branded... So, here I'm back: {textual motif} MY FIRST VIDEO TAKE 'my first video take' actually didn't succeed. ...I could sleep with you... ...my being gay... ...I've realized... ...a God... ...belief in a God could help me now. Lord Almighty! It's not as ironic as it sounds. {textual motif} EXIT Afterwards, I knew, were I to arrive at the intensive care unit. I didn't know!... {textual motif} UNMOUNTED HUMAN SKELETON ...Yes, that's what they'd do the first night. Round-the-clock attention. 20th September 1991 Jubilee! 10 years ago today I began my 1st film. First off, I couldn't put the film in, and then I banged the camera,... before - after, - here and now. ...and now a lens has slipped. The whole plan is canceled, who knows how long the repairs will take, how costly, etc. To find the right words, even to find words... {...forget this shit...} {textual motif} BERLIN / THE / 1ST / DEAD To find the right words,... ...even to find words... {...therefore you can just stop where you began...} ...that's really no longer possible. For talking always costs a bit of effort. {title} About which one cannot speak... {title} ...one must remain silent. {translation: Alice Kuzniar}